Raising healthy, resilient children takes intention, structure, and a strong support system. Building certain protective factors into everyday life can significantly reduce risky behaviors like substance use, violence, and school dropout. Prevention Services at the Rappahannock Area Community Services Board (RACSB) is here to support families in creating a strong foundation for lifelong well-being. The list below is adapted from the work of Michael Ungar, PhD., a Canadian scholar in the field of resilience who developed this framework of “Nine Things All Children Need to Be Resilient.”

 

1. Structure: Children Feel Loved Through Boundaries

What it means: Kids need consistent rules, routines, and expectations.
Try this: Set clear expectations for bedtime, chores, and screen time—and stick to them.
Prevention tip: Consistency builds trust and reduces anxiety, which can lower the likelihood of risky behavior.

Sherrie Johnson, LPC, LMFT, a mental health outpatient therapist with RACSB, recommends establishing family rituals that children can come to depend on over the years. While family dinners are excellent, she said a regular breakfast or weekly movie night could be just as good in households with busy schedules. These can be an important touchstone when children hit adolescence, when they naturally start to crave more privacy and time alone or in their rooms.

 

“Parents can try to strike a balance of giving their children some space, but also establishing the norm that they will join in family dinners or activities,” Johnson said.

2. Consequences: Teaching Accountability Without Shame

What it means: Kids feel secure when actions have fair outcomes.
Try this: Let children fix mistakes and make amends. Discipline with dignity—not punishment.
Prevention tip: Accountability builds empathy and decision-making skills.

3. Parent-Child Connections: Show Up and Stay Present

What it means: Strong bonds with parents are essential, no matter a child’s age.
Try this: Share meals, turn off devices, and show affection daily—even teens need it.
Prevention tip: Secure attachment helps kids resist peer pressure and make healthier choices.

Johnson, with RACSB, notes that strong bonds are built through repeatedly responding to the verbal and non-verbal cues children give about their needs—at any age.

“If a parent is present and hearing their child, even when they are really little, when they cry, do they respond to them? When they are scared to try something new, do they encourage them? All of this builds in the child the knowledge that they are going to have that secure home base to land,” she said. “It requires not only encouraging your child to speak, but also hearing your child.”

4. Strong Relationships: It Takes a Village

What it means: Kids need a network of caring adults—coaches, relatives, mentors.
Try this: Encourage your child’s connections with extended family and trusted adults. Take the time to get to know your child’s friends and their families, as well as coaches, pastors, teachers, and other adults involved in their lives.
Prevention tip: A wide support net helps children navigate stress and stay grounded.

Xavier Richardson has mentored thousands of young people in the more than three decades since he founded the Partnership for Academic Excellence to support minority students in their quest for a college education. He understands that it can be hard for parents to realize that their child may feel more comfortable sharing certain things with an adult outside the family than with their own parent, but he’s seen the effectiveness of strong mentoring relationships—even with his own three children, who are now grown.

“Sometimes it takes another adult outside of the home to play a role in building kids’ resilience. Even with my own kids, I relied on the support of other adults to provide a support system. It is always critical to try to find individuals who share your values,” he said. For his family, that shared trust was found within their church community.

In his work with young people, he has found specific questions helpful to try to get mentees to open up about emotions that are weighing on them, and that they don’t feel they can talk about with others.

“I will often say something like, ‘Tell me something you would only tell me if you thought you would never see me again,’” he said. “One of the things I try to help them to understand is that whatever they are going through, they are not the first person to go through it.”

For children, sharing difficult feelings with parents can be scary, he said.

“Either the child fears the repercussion of being honest and transparent, or they are worried about the parent worrying about them,” he said. 

5. A Powerful Identity: Let Them Be Themselves

What it means: Kids must explore who they are and feel proud of their identity.
Try this: Support your child’s interests—even when they’re different from yours.
Prevention tip: A strong self-image protects against peer pressure and low self-worth.

 

6. A Sense of Control: Give Them Safe Ways to Lead

What it means: Children build confidence when given responsibility and voice.
Try this: Let them manage their allowance or choose extracurricular activities.
Prevention tip: Kids who feel in control are less likely to act out to gain it.

All tenth graders at Caroline County High School received RACSB’s Teen Mental Health First Aid training this year, according to Rachel Wheeler, M.Ed., Coordinator of Student Support Services for the Caroline County Public Schools.

The course teaches teens how to identify, understand, and respond to the signs of mental health and substance use challenges among their friends and peers. It also helps students think through questions like which adults at school they would go to if they or a peer needed help. For Wheeler, the action-oriented piece was important in giving students a sense of agency and a path to help their peers in need.

“It’s not just about how to be aware of mental health issues, it’s also about what teens can do about it,” she said. Next year, both ninth and tenth graders will receive the course, as Caroline County works to deliver this information earlier in the high school career.

7. A Sense of Belonging: Make Them Feel Needed

What it means: Kids need to feel connected at home, school, and in the community.
Try this: Involve your child in family decisions, community events, or volunteering.
Prevention tip: Belonging reduces feelings of isolation that can lead to risky behavior.

 

8. Fair and Just Treatment: Teach Equity and Advocacy

What it means: Children should feel respected and learn to stand up for themselves and others.
Try this: Watch documentaries about social issues together, and talk about fairness.
Prevention tip: Children who feel safe and seen are less likely to seek validation in unhealthy ways.

 

9. Physical and Psychological Safety: Start with the Basics

What it means: Children need access to food, shelter, emotional support, and safe environments.
Try this: Keep open communication about feelings and seek help when needed.
Prevention tip: Basic needs must be met before a child can thrive or make healthy decisions.

Every child is unique, but all children benefit from these foundational supports. By weaving these protective factors into your family life, you're not just preventing risky behaviors—you're building a resilient, confident, and compassionate adult. Prevention Services at RACSB offers programs, classes, and community partnerships to support families every step of the way.

To learn more, visit rappahannockareacsb.org or call 540-374-3337.