THE PROBLEM: My just-turned 3yo has begun throwing tantrums every time we leave the park. I give him a five-minute warning, but as soon as it's time to go, he screams, cries, and sometimes throws himself on the ground. I feel like everyone’s watching and judging me, especially when I either bribe him or end up carrying him out kicking and screaming. I’m exhausted and embarrassed. Is this just a phase, or am I doing something wrong?

MARY SAYS: I love the easy ones! Not to make light of how you feel about your son’s behavior, but every parent has their own version of what you describe. For some, it happens in the grocery store and for others, it’s the doctor’s office. And I’m sorry to report, it doesn’t end when toddlerhood does. Ask any parent of a teen if they’ve ever felt embarrassed by something their child has done! 

So for starters, please know that the looks you’re getting from other parents are most likely sympathetic—not judgmental. 

As to your kid. Three-year-olds live in a blissful world of the eternal now and have little or no concept of time. To you, a five-minute warning should be sufficient. What can possibly be unclear about: “In a few minutes, we need to go home.”?

The problem is your child has reengaged in what he’s doing and has no internal clock reminding him the fun is about to end. 

Can we please take a moment and reflect on the state your child is so blessed to be in? When is the last time you were able to turn off your internal reminders and simply be present to whatever you're doing?

Be gentle with your child, who is enjoying the precious state-of-mind that so many of us ‘outgrow.’ Rather than bribing or scolding your child for being a child, let’s try something else. 

Three-year-olds may not understand time, but they do understand action. When it’s almost time to leave the park, initiate a list of to-dos. It might sound something like this:

“Hey, sweetie. It’s almost time to go home. But not yet. Here’s the first step. Please throw all the trash in the trash can, then come back to me for step two.”

When your son comes running back for more, you say:

“Now it’s time to go tell your new friend we have to go home. Please go tell him, then come back to me and I’ll tell you what’s next.”

Continue on like this until you’re cleaned up, picked up, and have said all your goodbyes. What you might find if you engage your son in the process of packing up and going home, it will feel perfectly logical to him that the next step is to hop in the car and leave.

Make this a practice in whatever you do, and you’ll find that your son becomes a collaborator rather than a powerless child who has to do what he’s told—whether he’s ready to or not. 

 ERIKA SAYS: Tantrums are hard on parents and children, especially when everybody is watching. We’ve all been there—once, twice, or many times! The good news is, tantrums are a part of a child’s development.