Are you simultaneously caring for dependent children and supporting ageing parents? If you were born between 1965 and 1980, you may be feeling the stress of the “sandwich generation”.

As Gen Xers come to terms with being middle-aged themselves, we are now accountable for raising a dependent child and/or being financially supportive to a grown child (age 18 or older), plus we have the added responsibility of caring for ageing parents that are 65 or older.

We are the meat of the sandwich that keeps the two generations viable. Balancing the needs of children and ageing parents is not an easy task. The primary challenge faced by the sandwich generation is the financial obligations necessitated when supporting both parents and children.

Men and women are equally part of the sandwich generation, but women often take on more of the role of caregiver and that contributes to being overextended and extreme stress. Mothers in the sandwich generation feel the most stress as they walk a tight rope in caring for their growing children that think they know it all and elderly parents that ostensibly think they can still handle everything on their own. 

When my sandwich becomes a panini! Both my boys are going through mid-adolescence. They are rebellious and push all my buttons. They are striving to develop their individuality and that is causing a real power struggle in our household both with each other and with me, their mother. This in turn causes heated disagreements and stresses everyone’s emotional health.

Meanwhile across town, my mom, as active and independent as she is, wants to spend more time with me and asks me to go shopping with her or take her to doctors’ appointments. I recognize that as she ages, she will need more assistance with medical expenses, long-term care, or housing costs and these are topics that need to be addressed with her and discussed with my husband. Thus, causing me to worry about her mental and physical well-being, all while trying to be understanding and not add undue stress on either of us.

I want to be all things to my loved ones, but the emotional tug-o-war can be daunting. I often prioritize other people’s happiness over my own. However, to maintain healthy relationships, I must reduce my stress and prioritize my own self-care. I try to keep things in perspective especially during the holidays and make time for what’s most important—being present for family and friends. When I feel overwhelmed, I have learned to say not now or lean on my village to help lessen my load so I can focus on who needs my attention most, and it’s okay if that’s me.

In 2025, remember to thank your mother for all she does for you—in the past, today and in the future.