THE PROBLEM: My 15yo son feels hopeless about the state of the world. Everyday there is a new disaster somewhere—often times, close to home, especially when there is a school shooting. He sees the victims as no different from his classmates. I wish I could think of ways to encourage him, but I’m afraid I share his point of view. How can I help him get out of this chronic feeling of despair? It’s sort of a low-level feeling that’s always with me, and sadly, it’s with my son, too.

MARY SAYS: Without understanding why, children (and animals) almost always know when something is 'off.' Their open hearts tune into others’ suffering and easily make it their own. 

And indeed, there’s a lot of suffering out there to tune into.

But keep in mind, there’s always been suffering. We just happen to have more access to it, thanks to the pervasiveness of modern-day media.

So the first thing to do is encourage your son to stop reading, listening to, or watching the news. If that sounds callous, consider this: What if our nervous systems aren't wired to take in so many hours of devastating footage about global crises? By overstimulating ourselves, we may be at risk of shutting down and feeling powerless to help.

Your son’s despair (and yours, too, btw) may be rooted in feeling the problems are too big for him to fix. A loss of control, so to speak. He’s feeling disempowered, guilty, and fearful that all the horrible things he’s hearing about may happen to him.

What your son needs to discover through experience is that he can change the world—one person, animal, or cause at a time. 

Take him to an animal rescue shelter to volunteer a few hours a week. Work at a food bank or join your local campaign headquarters. Choose an activity you think your son will align with, and if he’s amenable to it, you go too. By engaging with a local organization for an extended period of time, your son will see the impact he can have together with people in your community. 

Once he’s feeling more hopeful, your son can start selecting the global stories he needs to hear—the challenges he may one day choose to become involved with. After all, it’s caring people like your son who will change the world, but only if they feel confident they can. 

ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today’s child-rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you’re looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn’t around to ask, drop in! 

If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we’d love to hear from you! [email protected]

Read more ASK MOM advice.

Erika Guerrero is a freelance hair and makeup artist, Erika K. Beauty, and mama to one amazing boy and a darling daughter.

 

Suzanne Johnson, mother of five children and grandmother of eight, is an illustrator, book cover designer, and author of the Realms of Edenocht series.