Are you simultaneously caring for dependent children and
supporting ageing parents? If you were born between 1965 and 1980, you may be feeling
the stress of the “sandwich generation”.
As Gen Xers come to terms with being middle-aged themselves,
we are now accountable for raising a dependent child and/or being financially
supportive to a grown child (age 18 or older), plus we have the added
responsibility of caring for ageing parents that are 65 or older.
We are the meat of the sandwich that keeps the two
generations viable. Balancing the needs of children and ageing parents is not
an easy task. The primary challenge faced by the sandwich generation is the financial
obligations necessitated when supporting both parents and children.
Men and women are equally part of the sandwich generation,
but women often take on more of the role of caregiver and that contributes to
being overextended and extreme stress. Mothers in the sandwich generation feel
the most stress as they walk a tight rope in caring for their growing children that
think they know it all and elderly parents that ostensibly think they can still
handle everything on their own.
When my sandwich becomes a panini! Both my boys are going
through mid-adolescence. They are rebellious and push all my buttons. They are
striving to develop their individuality and that is causing a real power
struggle in our household both with each other and with me, their mother. This
in turn causes heated disagreements and stresses everyone’s emotional health.
Meanwhile across town, my mom, as active and independent as
she is, wants to spend more time with me and asks me to go shopping with her or
take her to doctors’ appointments. I recognize that as she ages, she will need
more assistance with medical expenses, long-term care, or housing costs and
these are topics that need to be addressed with her and discussed with my
husband. Thus, causing me to worry about her mental and physical well-being, all
while trying to be understanding and not add undue stress on either of us.
I want to be all things to my loved ones, but the emotional
tug-o-war can be daunting. I often prioritize other people’s happiness over my
own. However, to maintain healthy relationships, I must reduce my stress and
prioritize my own self-care. I try to keep things in perspective especially
during the holidays and make time for what’s most important—being present for family
and friends. When I feel overwhelmed, I have learned to say not now or lean on
my village to help lessen my load so I can focus on who needs my attention most,
and it’s okay if that’s me.
In 2025, remember to thank your mother for all she does for
you—in the past, today and in the future.
