Raising
healthy, resilient children takes intention, structure, and a strong support
system. Building certain protective factors into everyday life can
significantly reduce risky behaviors like substance use, violence, and school
dropout. Prevention Services at the Rappahannock Area Community Services Board
(RACSB) is here to support families in creating a strong foundation for lifelong
well-being. The list below is adapted from the work of Michael Ungar, PhD., a
Canadian scholar in the field of resilience who developed this framework of
“Nine Things All Children Need to Be Resilient.”
1. Structure: Children Feel Loved
Through Boundaries
What
it means:
Kids need consistent rules, routines, and expectations.
Try this: Set clear expectations for bedtime, chores, and screen
time—and stick to them.
Prevention tip: Consistency builds trust and reduces anxiety, which can
lower the likelihood of risky behavior.
Sherrie Johnson, LPC, LMFT, a mental health outpatient therapist
with RACSB, recommends establishing family rituals that children can come to
depend on over the years. While family dinners are excellent, she said a regular
breakfast or weekly movie night could be just as good in households with busy
schedules. These can be an important touchstone when children hit adolescence,
when they naturally start to crave more privacy and time alone or in their
rooms.
“Parents can try to strike a balance
of giving their children some space, but also establishing the norm that they
will join in family dinners or activities,” Johnson said.
2. Consequences: Teaching
Accountability Without Shame
What
it means:
Kids feel secure when actions have fair outcomes.
Try this: Let children fix mistakes and make amends. Discipline with
dignity—not punishment.
Prevention tip: Accountability builds empathy and decision-making
skills.
3. Parent-Child Connections: Show Up
and Stay Present
What
it means:
Strong bonds with parents are essential, no matter a child’s age.
Try this: Share meals, turn off devices, and show affection daily—even
teens need it.
Prevention tip: Secure attachment helps kids resist peer pressure and
make healthier choices.
Johnson,
with RACSB, notes that strong bonds are built through repeatedly responding to
the verbal and non-verbal cues children give about their needs—at any age.
“If
a parent is present and hearing their child, even when they are really little,
when they cry, do they respond to them? When they are scared to try something
new, do they encourage them? All of this builds in the child the knowledge that
they are going to have that secure home base to land,” she said. “It requires
not only encouraging your child to speak, but also hearing your child.”
4. Strong Relationships: It Takes a
Village
What
it means:
Kids need a network of caring adults—coaches, relatives, mentors.
Try this: Encourage your child’s connections with extended family and
trusted adults. Take the time to get to know your child’s friends and their
families, as well as coaches, pastors, teachers, and other adults involved in
their lives.
Prevention tip: A wide support net helps children navigate stress and
stay grounded.
Xavier
Richardson
has mentored thousands of young people in the more than three decades since he
founded the Partnership for Academic Excellence to support minority students in
their quest for a college education. He understands that it can be hard for
parents to realize that their child may feel more comfortable sharing certain
things with an adult outside the family than with their own parent, but he’s
seen the effectiveness of strong mentoring relationships—even with his own
three children, who are now grown.
“Sometimes
it takes another adult outside of the home to play a role in building kids’
resilience. Even with my own kids, I relied on the support of other adults to
provide a support system. It is always critical to try to find individuals who
share your values,” he said. For his family, that shared trust was found within
their church community.
In
his work with young people, he has found specific questions helpful to try to
get mentees to open up about emotions that are weighing on them, and that they
don’t feel they can talk about with others.
“I
will often say something like, ‘Tell me something you would only tell me if you
thought you would never see me again,’” he said. “One of the things I try to
help them to understand is that whatever they are going through, they are not
the first person to go through it.”
For
children, sharing difficult feelings with parents can be scary, he said.
“Either
the child fears the repercussion of being honest and transparent, or they are
worried about the parent worrying about them,” he said.
5. A Powerful Identity: Let Them Be
Themselves
What
it means:
Kids must explore who they are and feel proud of their identity.
Try this: Support your child’s interests—even when they’re different
from yours.
Prevention tip: A strong self-image protects against peer pressure and
low self-worth.
6. A Sense of Control: Give Them Safe
Ways to Lead
What
it means:
Children build confidence when given responsibility and voice.
Try this: Let them manage their allowance or choose extracurricular
activities.
Prevention tip: Kids who feel in control are less likely to act out to
gain it.
All
tenth graders at Caroline County High School received RACSB’s Teen Mental
Health First Aid training this year, according to Rachel Wheeler, M.Ed.,
Coordinator of Student Support Services for the Caroline County Public Schools.
The
course teaches teens how to identify, understand, and respond to the signs of
mental health and substance use challenges among their friends and peers. It
also helps students think through questions like which adults at school they
would go to if they or a peer needed help. For Wheeler, the action-oriented
piece was important in giving students a sense of agency and a path to help
their peers in need.
“It’s
not just about how to be aware of mental health issues, it’s also about what
teens can do about it,” she said. Next year, both ninth and tenth graders will
receive the course, as Caroline County works to deliver this information
earlier in the high school career.
7. A Sense of Belonging: Make Them
Feel Needed
What
it means:
Kids need to feel connected at home, school, and in the community.
Try this: Involve your child in family decisions, community events, or
volunteering.
Prevention tip: Belonging reduces feelings of isolation that can lead to
risky behavior.
8. Fair and Just Treatment: Teach
Equity and Advocacy
What
it means:
Children should feel respected and learn to stand up for themselves and others.
Try this: Watch documentaries about social issues together, and talk
about fairness.
Prevention tip: Children who feel safe and seen are less likely to seek
validation in unhealthy ways.
9. Physical and Psychological Safety:
Start with the Basics
What
it means:
Children need access to food, shelter, emotional support, and safe
environments.
Try this: Keep open communication about feelings and seek help when
needed.
Prevention tip: Basic needs must be met before a child can thrive or
make healthy decisions.
Every
child is unique, but all children benefit from these foundational supports. By
weaving these protective factors into your family life, you’re not just
preventing risky behaviors—you’re building a resilient, confident, and
compassionate adult. Prevention Services at RACSB offers programs, classes, and
community partnerships to support families every step of the way.
To
learn more, visit rappahannockareacsb.org or call 540-374-3337.
