Hey everyone. I’m back again this week, and I am going to step away from style talk again. Writing for me is cathartic, as is photography and basically all art. It’s my way of letting go.
You see, there’s a saying, let it go, and no, I am not talking about Frozen here. I tell it to my kids when they are struggling with a negative emotion like anger and sadness. Imagine emotion as a balloon that you are holding. In order to be free of it, you must let it go, let it float away...realize that it’s lighter than you thought. Light enough to float away. You’re not holding onto it, and it's not attached to you anymore.
In a way, it's about freeing yourself from a shadow that's been cast. And sometimes, it’s hard to see that. You see, I have come to realize that, even though I am by no means a large scale blogger, or have a huge social media presence, I still have to deal with a lot of what comes with it. So, what do I mean by that?
I have talked openly about my struggles with mean spirited people who send me weird and mean comments, mostly through Instagram. I wrote a blog about that, here. I’ve also talked candidly about my decision to keep my kids’ presence on my Instagram account to a minimum. That post is here. If you have a minute, give each of those a read.
What I haven’t spoken about yet, is the very real fact that I lose friends...and I do not mean solely online friends. Real life friends, people that know me personally, people who have shared my time. I assume this happens to a lot of bloggers; maybe if it has happened to you, you could help me understand why. Because I don’t get it.
I don’t understand why, doing what I do, trying my hardest to do the best that I can, trying to reach goals, and also to balance my mom life means that I am not a good friend. That I am not worthy of grace, patience or a helping hand. That somehow, I don't fit in the circle. If I were to say that it doesn't hurt, I would be lying. What I do know, what I can plainly and clearly see, is that there is a correlation between my current life as a blogger, mom, photographer, and fitness enthusiast and losing friends.
( A circle that I will always fit into)
I’d love to know why. There’s always a part of me that wonders what did I do? Even though, I know...rather I should know... that I haven’t done anything at all. I will never apologize for trying to get a leg up in this crazy style world, nor will I ever apologize for dedicating a lot of time to fitness and to my family. These things are non negotiable.
(progress shots from two years ago, to last year, to recent...as I said fitness is non-negotiable)
I also know that God sends people into our lives for a reason. And, although we might not know what that reason is, nothing is random. Every person, every place, every trial and mistake are all meant to teach us something. Maybe, in this case, it’s supposed to teach me to keep my head up. To know who matters and to keep them close. My closest friends know this about me... in my circle, we support each other, we help each other, we guide each other, we challenge each other. We never ever just give up.
Whatever the reason is, whether it's frustration, a huge mistake I unknowingly made, or jealousy, know that I will not carry the burden of an unwanted friendship. I will not hold any grudges. I will let that balloon go...its shadow no longer casts on me. As that balloon rises, so do I. Because, you see, I am not going anywhere but up.
Oh, and, please don't think that this blogging gig is a burden, it's quite the opposite. I have met so many amazing people. So many women have come forward asking not only for my style help, but for my fitness advice as well. This is why I do it...this is my why. I know there is more good to come out of this. God sent me this oppourtunity for a reason, and I am going to rise, work hard, and continue to just be me. What do you say? Care to join me? Let's let go, rise up, and win. I got you, boo.