THE PROBLEM: I feel guilty even saying this, but I’m tired of talking to my daughter (she’s 3). She asks questions all day long. “Why is the sky blue? Why are we stopping? What’s that sound? Why, why, why?” I know she’s curious and learning, but sometimes it feels endless. By lunchtime, my brain is fried, and I just want quiet. I catch myself zoning out or giving short answers, and then I feel like a bad mom. Am I the only one? I see other moms happily chatting with their toddlers, but I don’t know how they do it.

MARY SAYS: Nope. You’re not alone. And let me guess…you’re an introvert, right? Extroverts tend to have no problem chattering on with an insatiable toddler. But we introverts get pretty drained when we have to continually think up things to say.

The good news is, you don’t have to worry so much about this. Your little isn’t always looking for answers. Sometimes, all she wants to hear is the sound of her own voice. Or her own musings. 

But if she’s particularly persistent, here are a few coping strategies:

1.    When your daughter asks a question, answer with a question. When she asks: “Why is the sky blue?” you can respond with: “Why do YOU think the sky is blue?” This will give your little chatterbox a chance to make up her own story, since the ‘correct’ response is a moving target anyway. (I mean seriously…why IS the sky blue? Is it even blue? Is this question about how nature actually is, or is it merely our perception of it?) 

2.    When you’re really in need of quite time, tell your daughter that mommy is taking a ‘no-talking break.’ Set a timer. When the buzzer goes off, she can ask her question again. By then, she will most likely have moved on to something else. 

3.    It’s okay to say “I don’t know” when you’ve run out of juice. Parents don’t always need to be so omnipotent, even though your toddler might like to think you are.

By using these strategies, you will feel more empowered to make your own decisions about how you show up in relationships. We all want to be there for our kids, but unless we take care of ourselves, it can be a tough thing to do.

ERIKA SAYS: As a mom with a chatter box, I stand in solidarity. My firstborn, who is now 9, loves to talk. He’s been that way since he first started to coo. It was heartwarming to gain insight into his world when he was a toddler, but as the years have passed, it can sometimes be exhausting, especially when I feel like I don't have the mental capacity to come up with yet another answer.

I remember sitting in the waiting area of Jiffy Lube one afternoon, and my son was asking question after question, which an older gentleman found quite endearing. On the inside, I was feeling a bit irritated when this gentleman said, “Don’t ever let him stop asking questions.” 

Well, I took that quite literally, and now I have a 9-year-old who doesn’t know how to read the room! 

What I should have also taken from that advice is cultivating a respect for silence. If I could do it over, I would not have let my son ramble so much, which can impede the ability to develop a capacity to listen to others. 

Now that my son is older, I often find that I’m not given space to speak. Even if I do contribute, he doesn’t particularly engage with what I said. He’ll pick up right where he left off, talking about whatever is on his mind. 

To avoid this, I’d recommend you start working on establishing boundaries, perhaps by creating moments of listening time where you can sit and engage in a conversation—pausing the conversation when you can’t give undivided attention or you simply need space, and then revisiting it. 

Try this. Come up with a keyword or signal for letting your daughter know it’s time to pause and listen when she’s talking to you. 

I think it’s wonderful that your daughter feels safe and has the freedom to speak with you. Although it’s constant and tiring, with your guidance, you can teach her how to respect boundaries and understand social cues. 

ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today’s child-rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you’re looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn’t around to ask, drop in! 

If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we’d love to hear from you! [email protected]

Read more ASK MOM advice.

Erika Guerrero is a freelance hair and makeup artist, Erika K. Beauty, and mama to one amazing boy and a darling daughter.

 

Suzanne Johnson, mother of five children and grandmother of eight, is an illustrator, book cover designer, and author of the Realms of Edenocht series.