ASK MOM: Is mom a nag?
Jul 04, 2025 02:11AM ● By Mary Follin and Erika Guerrero
Drawing by Suzanne Johnson
THE PROBLEM: My teenage son is basically a good kid, but he’s sloppy. If he confined his mess to his room, I wouldn’t mind so much. But he leaves a trail all over the house: dirty dishes, socks, his book bag…just about anything can be found lying around our house at any given time. When I ask him to pick something up or clean up after himself, he gets all surly. He says I’m a nag. Maybe I just need to get through these years, but I’d love to see him develop some new habits. Ideas?
MARY SAYS: If this is the worst issue you have with your teenage son, count yourself lucky! Some kids are simply messier than others, mostly because they’re in their heads all the time. While he might outgrow it, you’re wise to try and help him establish new habits while you still can.
Talk to him about it. Living in a household comes with responsibilities, and he needs to understand this. Have you been clear about your expectations? If you stop and think about each infraction, was he truly aware that it bothered you? Or are your complaints coming at him one at a time, after the fact?
One technique that can be quite effective is writing notes. Jotting a few instructions down tends to lower the tension that can arise during a face-to-face. When you walk into the dining room and it looks like a burglar has indiscriminately rummaged through your stuff, sit down with a sheet of paper and a marker. Say something like this:
“When leaving this room, please remove all objects: bookbag, laptop, and dishes. Push chairs in and wipe up crumbs. Thank you from the management.”
Don’t forget the humor. Rather than being overly critical, you want to create plenty of space for enjoying each other’s company and showing appreciation for your son being a ‘basically good kid.’
We live in a really small space, and the only baby/play area we have for his sister is in our living room. Days of scattered Legos and small toys that could pose a choking hazard had to end.
As soon as I changed the program, I, too, felt like I was nagging, and while my son didn’t exactly call me a nag, the eye rolls and sighs made me feel like one! It took my son a while to “get it.” Only after I started putting stray toys out of reach in a storage closet did he remember to clean up after himself. Losing access to his favorite toys was something he didn’t like.
Giving my son a list of cleaning tasks seemed overwhelming at first, but if I say I'm going to set a 20-minute timer for us to do a room reset, he’s willing to participate. During that time, everyone is responsible for collecting their stuff and putting it away.
Resets are usually after dinner and before bed, but I will call for a reset during the day if necessary. Make this part of your everyday routine so that it's an expectation—not a surprise. Also make sure everyone participates so your son doesn't feel singled out.
Even though holding your son accountable may make him feel like you're nagging, don’t quit. He needs to understand that cleaning up after oneself is not an option but a discipline we all need. You’re not your son’s maid service, and he shouldn't treat you as such.
Maybe it's a teenage thing, or maybe it's not. Ultimately, this too shall pass with consistency. Today, your son may feel like you're a nag, but one day, he’ll appreciate that you instilled in him the motivation to keep his space clean.
ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today’s child-rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you’re looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn’t around to ask, drop in!
If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we’d love to hear from you! [email protected]
Read more ASK MOM advice.
Mary Follin is the author of Teach Your Child to Read and ETHYR, winner of the Moonbeam Children's Book Award and the Gertrude Warner Book Award. She is mom to two grown sons and enjoys sharing her more seasoned perspective with parents of younger children.
Erika Guerrero is a freelance hair and makeup artist, Erika K. Beauty, and mama to one amazing boy and a darling daughter.
Suzanne Johnson, mother of five children and grandmother of eight, is an illustrator, book cover designer, and author of the Realms of Edenocht series.