Americans are facing a holiday season, but living with bare necessities, off the land, and “making do” have not been issues for today’s population. American’s for the last sixty years have found resources abundant, jobs available, and a flowing economy which made life easier for all citizens. At this point in time American’s are experiencing financial insecurity. A downturned economy, instable lending institutions and wavering stock markets have caused concern for most and produced flat out fear in some.

How do parents respond? How much or little should children know? How do parents explain financial changes to children? How can parents keep children emotionally healthy despite the present circumstances?

Denise Daniels, a Peabody Award winning broadcast journalist says, "Tough economic times are also opportunities for families to learn how to survive an emotional rollercoaster. Children inevitably get concerned when they hear the sometimes panicky reports of companies going bankrupt and watch video clips showing people removing their belongings from offices in cardboard cartons. Parents are subject to enormous pressure in times like these when nearly everyone is impacted by the current financial difficulties. This is a teachable moment of epic proportions for families.”  (http://www.tnpc.com/Readers_Corner/Financial%20Crisis.htm, accessed Oct. 2008)

Children naturally respond to parent’s attitudes and stress. Whether children are old enough to understand the meaning behind parent’s actions is a matter of maturity. Young children will simply mirror the climate of the household. Elementary children will pick up on news reports and household conversation, often leaving them with more questions than answers. Teen children will draw conclusions about what all of it means and will react according to their fears and worries. No matter the age, parent’s behavior will guide children’s, which gives parents a tremendous opportunity to teach coping skills and how to deal with life struggles, first hand.

Most experts agree you cannot ignore the elephant in the living room. Even young children pick up on that. The financial challenges that most families are facing will be noted in spending changes. The important part of facing these challenges is speaking with children on their age level about the changes, but not burdening them with the problem. Parents must remember that children thrive on security. They want to know, no matter what, Mom, Dad and siblings will still be a family. Parents must reassure children that the people in their lives will not change, just maybe a few surroundings and perhaps a few habits such as eating out, buying new things, or taking trips. Remind children or begin teaching, the most important part of life is people and not things.

Teens have larger sources of information and they see cause and effect in the world; leaving them with specific and worrisome questions about what life will be like from now on. "Answer their questions," says Robin F. Goodman, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City. "The best thing is to find out what their questions are: 'Are we going to have to move?' versus 'Can I still go to summer camp or college?' 'Is dad going to lose his job?' or' Do I have to give up my dancing lessons?'"  She says children need concrete examples of how their lives may be affected "so kids get a sense of what's happening and the things you are doing to manage it so they don't feel hopeless." She recommends saying: "How can we cut back on energy costs? Everybody has to turn off the lights. We're not going to eat out as often." ( http://feeds.creditcards.com/cobrand//?aid=26cf41f7&action=view_article&article_id=1572, accessed Oct. 2008) Teens may not like the changes but when they are included and understand they are often more willing to pitch in as part of the team.

Dr. John Whitcomb, author of the book Capitate Your Kids: Teaching Your Teens Financial Independence, says parents don't have to tell their children everything about their finances. "I don't think it's appropriate to tell them you are $50,000 in debt and have negative equity in your home. Instead say, “The housing market has fallen so far that we can't afford this house anymore.” He suggests saying this for openers: “we’re in a tough spot at the moment as far as money goes. We've got problems and we all have to work together to solve them. You're the most important person in the world to us. We're going to figure it out.” (http://feeds.creditcards.com/cobrand//?aid=26cf41f7&action=view_article&article_id=1572, accessed Oct. 2008)

Parents, for children and family health, assess realistically the financial status. Make wise calculating choices for the holidays ahead. Don’t allow past experiences to dictate present behavior. It is a different time and calls for different choices. The spirit of the holidays does not have to be dampened by financial changes. Teach children to focus on the important; the people in their lives. Find joy in relationships and family. Don’t allow a bank account to dictate happiness or thankfulness.  Compare American life today to the destitute Pilgrims of old: there is much to be thankful for.

Elaine Stone, mother of three, lives in Spotsylvania.  Write: elainestone@juno.com

Practical and Emotional Survival Tips for Dealing with a Tough Economy:

Think like an entrepreneur. Jobs may be hard to find, but the slow economy can open up new opportunities. Perhaps it's time to hold a yard sale to get rid of the old toys and baby gear in the basement. If good at navigating online auction sites, charge a fee to sell people’s old stuff.

Prioritize and plan. When the family wants something, write it down. Next to it, write how much it’s needed on a scale of 1-10. Keep this list going (items may move up or down the scale as you add new ones).

Talk out troubles. Find a good time and talk to someone about it. Lean on a spouse, family member, pastor, friend, or counselor. Be sure to keep children engaged listening for clues of frustration and stress. Let them ask questions. Let them talk it out too.

Practice the art of patience. This is the perfect opportunity to teach patience and long term gratification. Talk about the rewards of waiting; having money for necessities, not using credit, keeping family solvent.

Focus on the positive. Encourage family members to write down three things that you are grateful for each day (or illustrate or write songs if an artist or composer). Focus on what the family has instead of what it can’t afford.

Help friends. Teach the family to give support even if financial support is out of the question. Listening is a welcomed gift. Talking through feelings and knowing someone cares and understands lifts burdens and gives great support. Focusing on what can be done instead of what can’t, helps everyone.

(http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/money_woes.html, accessed Oct. 2008)

New Rules for New Times

Establish new rules in a family meeting, even if they're temporary until family finances are in better shape.

Explain the new rules and also new opportunities for earning privileges and treats. Make it fun: challenge kids to come up with family-friendly, cost-effective activities that everyone will enjoy.

Once you've had "the talk" with your kids, keep a list posted — perhaps on the refrigerator door — of the new house rules so that everyone knows what is expected of them.

Learn to say "no." Sometimes parents say "yes" to their kids before figuring out how they'll afford a new expense. Even if you agreed to something, you can explain that you made a mistake, and — in order to be a financially responsible family — everyone must forego certain treats for a while.

Explore fun, low-cost activities. Challenge your family to create memories without visiting a mall or a store. Some ideas include: bike riding together, going to a park, visiting yard sales, free movie nights, concerts, library events, museums and other local art, cultural, or sporting events.

Get kids involved. Let kids earn rewards instead of allowances; get to choose what’s for dinner, time with Dad, go watch a friends soccer game, etc. Older kids might look into helping pay for college by saving money or applying for scholarships, loans, or grants. Encouraging kids to find creative ways to save or make money not only helps them feel empowered — it helps them feel like they're doing their part to help out.

(http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/financial_woes.html, accessed Oct. 2008)

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