Single Parenting

Professional Sleep Deprivation Specialists

Seriously why can’t children just GO TO BED like angels??? Where DID that phrase sleep like a baby come from? I have NEVER had a child that “sleeps like a baby” ---- I do have teenagers that sleep well, but until about 9 or 10 years old everyone stinks at it. They either don’t go to bed easily or they wake up in the middle of the night or they wake up WAY to early! Does no one in my family require sleep but me?

My children seem to have some sort of pact with each other. Tag-team-Mommy-take-down mode.   I believe they must plan it out while I’m making the lunches for the next day.

‘OK whose turn is it to be incredibly difficult at bedtime?” asked the teenage son.

“We have this! We’ve mastered the 2 hour bedtime ritual,” spoken confidently by the preschoolers.

“What’s your plan?”

“Same as always. First we are going to get as much water on the bathroom floor as possible. Pull about 3 towels in the tub and get into a fight complete with hair pulling and screaming.”

“Then we are going to cry because we can’t find the right pj pants. Followed by requests for bananas, drinks of water, extra prayers, fighting over whose bed Mommmy sits next to first, and maybe even a complete hysterical meltdown just for the heck of it.”

“Sounds good. Who has the late night wake-up covered?”

“I got it. I’ve watched enough creepy cartoons in the past week to give me sufficient nightmares. I’ll be going in about 1:00 am – should be right about when she finally falls into a deep sleep. I’m thinking I might wake her up again about 5 am so she can start her day earlier than she planned,” the preteen responded with self-assurance.

“Awesome. Anything else?”

“Yeah. I think I’m gonna want to have a heart to heart at about 11:30 pm. Should mess up her bedtime pretty good,” declared the teenage daughter.

“Looks like everything is covered. Have a good night everyone!”

Yeah. I’m pretty sure my children are professional sleep deprivation specialists at this point. The funny thing is I love those late night chats, and I don’t want anyone else to comfort my children in the middle of the night, and actually early mornings are pretty great once I get up – an extra hour or two allows me to get more done! That’s always a good way to start the day.

So, now if I could just get my preschoolers to fall asleep in a reasonable amount of time things would be hunky dory. Oh well, they are awfully cute and I do love them so very much. I guess a little “extra” time with them at the end of the day is kind of precious – if it weren’t for all the fussing (me and them).

I know there will be a day when I’ll miss all the interruptions as difficult as that is to believe. I suppose I’ve survived this long on 6 minutes of sleep a day, what’s another couple of years??

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It isn't What I'm Missing...It's What I Have

Yesterday I was watching The Voyage of the Dawn Treader with my children. I’ve loved reading the Narnia books to my children and certainly enjoyed watching the movies as well. There was one particular quote that struck me as profound. Please forgive me because I do not have the direct quote with me. At the end of the movie, Prince Caspian says something to the effect that he has spent too much time focusing on what was taken from him rather than what was given to him. Isn’t that always the case? We are so easily sucked into lamenting what we don’t have rather than rejoicing in what we do have.

I’ve been particularly proficient at this lately. As a single mom it’s easy to focus on what’s missing in our family and our lives…it’s blaringly obvious. Sometimes it’s a giant behemoth of a thing that simply can’t be missed…but when I choose to focus less on my giant it does tend to shrink in size. And certainly when I focus on the blessings in my life, my blessings become quite large in their own right.

I have this little black notebook – which does not contain a list of possible suitors J - rather it’s full of the things for which I am thankful. Little things and some big. It’s amazing how, when you start looking, it’s quite easy to find blessings throughout the day.  I found that as I began to pay attention, it was exciting to realize that I was blessed by the smallest of things. The sound of driving on a gravel driveway…candles lit really early in the morning…a thousand little things my children do daily that delight me…a breeze…newly dusted furniture (that’s kind of a miracle!)…making it to the auto shop WITH a dead battery (no kidding!...another miracle)…swirling steam off a cup of hot tea…and a million more.

The biggest blessings are my children, truly. And I don’t just say that because it’s expected. I wouldn’t laugh so hard or cry so hard if it weren’t for those 5 dear people. I’m in awe of God’s goodness to me in giving me each one of them. My life is richer, more challenging, happier, full of more love and grace than I could imagine because of those sweet children. I’d share the little things they do each day that bring me joy but my teenagers would probably want to kill me.   I can say that each day finds me delighting in the sound of my amazing teenage son telling me he loves me – finding sheer joy in the fact that my lovely teenage daughter still values my opinion – enjoying the stories excitedly shared by my super fun 11-year old son – relishing the feel of a hug by my cuddly 5-year old daughter – smiling to my core at the antics of my sweet 4 year old daughter.  Truly I’m blessed.

Those 5 people make me who I am…a momma. The loss of my marriage makes me a single mama but really that is just the number of parents in our home, not my defining feature. After being a Christian, “Momma” is next on the list. “Single” maybe somewhere down the list around 10 or 11. I might be missing a husband and partner in parenting, but I'm not missing the blessings of my life. I might be missing sleep but I’m not missing life…life is good, children are a joy, and I’m blessed beyond measure. So, like Prince Caspian, I can say that I will not be focusing on what’s missing from my life, I will be focusing on what I have…and what I have is very, very good.

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Wonky Little Stitches

A couple of months ago I rediscovered my love of working with needle and thread. I picked up a cross-stitch pattern of an eagle in flight. I decided it would be easy and fun. I was wrong – about the easy part. That blasted eagle is all kinds of shades of brown – light brown, medium brown, dark brown, black brown, etc… and when you put them all together in those little tiny boxes of crosses, my eyes begin to cross. I’m very particular about the direction of my stitches, meaning I’d prefer they all go in the same direction.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve done a cross stitch. And since the last time I enjoyed sewing little “x’s” everything has changed – including my eyesight. I stubbornly didn’t put on my reading glasses – I wasn’t reading after all. So tonight I took a minute to move a lamp closer to where I was on the sofa and looked at my cross stitched eagle. To my dismay, I discovered that it had stitches going in all different directions. And the back of my work was all knotty and messy and bumpy and ugly.

I’ve heard us described as beautiful pieces of artwork by God. Well, when my kids do an art project the mess that occurs in the process is astonishing.   The final product is absolutely lovely but the process of getting to that completed picture of ninja warriors or pretty princesses is quite another story. The work behind anything beautiful is often tedious and messy.

In my case, the work on the front although beautiful from a distance is a little bit iffy up close. That, to some degree, is a mirror of my life. If you are watching me from a distance, you might be under the crazy impression that I have it all together. I’m chuckling at that thought because it is so very far from the truth.   My life is not just a little messy, it is a lot messy. And like my cross-stitch, it’ll do, but it isn’t the best it could be.   My attitude of “Eh….it’s good enough,” flies in the face of my desire to live my life excellently – neatly.

Lest I give the impression that I have any presumption that I will indeed be able to live a neat life, let me say that I know it’s a process. Once again, I’m reminded that it isn’t about me doing better; it’s about me being better. It isn’t about the work I do to make beautiful things in my life or out of my life - it’s about the final product – me!

So, I’m not going to pull out all the wonky stitches in my cross stitch – I’m going to pray that the person who receives it doesn’t look too closely. And I’m going to use my reading glasses next time.

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Stylish Momma of Substance Wannabe

I think I’ve always wanted to be one of those women who looks like she has it all together. I mean, honestly, don’t we all want that? I think we all have a lot more style and substance than we give ourselves credit for – the stories we could share would inspire and encourage.

About a year ago I started receiving a magazine “for women of style and substance.” I think that might be code for women over 40. Although I’m over 40 and my name and address are indeed on each edition I receive, for quite some time I’ve felt I must be receiving it by mistake. I might be considered a woman of substance, but I’m most certainly not a woman of style. I’m more of a style wannabe. My two main fashion goals are to look good and not embarrass my children. I’d like to be stylish – I just can’t figure out what style is me – feminine, sporty, trendy, classic, hippie, etc…pretty much depends on the day and the weather. Maybe I should take the time to read the magazine more diligently and I’ll figure it out.

I bring up this magazine because I’ve been most surprisingly blessed by it. It seems there are a lot of women my age doing new things whether by choice or necessity – or a little bit of both.

While looking at the magazine recently, I thought how maybe I am indeed a woman of substance. I looked up the word substance. My dictionary app defines it in many ways. The one I think best applied was “the actual matter of a thing, as opposed to the appearance or shadow; reality.” Basically, I think that says you are what you appear to be – no more faking it. Another definition was “substantial or solid character or quality.” I might define substance as depth of character.

Character – that’s a word we use a lot today. We look for it in others and hope for it in ourselves. It seems that most often character is strengthened and defined more specifically by adversity. Our character is definitely revealed by the grace we exhibit when faced with challenges.

I think I have a pretty good measure of grace when it comes to the huge disappointments and disasters of life, but believe me, grace does not always appear when I’m faced with my daily doses of drama.

I’m digressing from my topic. I was thinking while reading about a women’s successful second act, as they refer to it, that I’m definitely living my second act. Intermission was a nightmare but I’m thinking this second act might indeed have a good ending.  Because I’m a Christian, I know ultimately there will be a happy ending.

My story is made up of all the characteristics of a great read – although I would have preferred a little less conflict and drama. Maybe the latter chapters can be fluffier in content, maybe a bit romantic and lighthearted! Definitely lighthearted! I hope that my story is one that encourages other – I believe that’s why I write – to bless. We all have stories that define us – that show our substance, who we are and why we are! We should all be sharing our stories of triumph, both big and small. It’s a very good thing…and who doesn’t love a good story!

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